Wow…I remember when I started this blog in high school. I wrote on it back then like every single week. Man do times change. I feel like for me that was a whole new lifetime or like someone else’s life. I just know that things have changed for me quite a bit from what I was just 2 years ago. I feel like maybe all that growth in such a short time has affected the person I have become. Not to say I think I am a bad person, trust me there are way worse people in the world. But I feel as if I have become something I am not and something I don’t want to be. I am not blaming anyone but myself for the way things have turned out so far. 

Over a year ago around this time, I had been seeing this truly amazing girl for a few months and I began to fall for her…and fall I did. I fell really really hard for her. Today we are still seeing each other but its after months and months of well, lets say, hardship. The times we have together are amazing and wonderful but when were away, I change. I become a jealous prick and begin to get stupid thoughts in my head. Thoughts of being hurt or left. In reality its a stupid inferiority complex I have. It was the same way in soccer…the best games I ever played was when I was confident and not being made fun of. But those times where I would be mocked or made fun of at practice or anything I played like crap that weekend I didn’t want to be there. My confidence since high school has been shot and I take it out on her. She has always been faithful and I know she won’t hurt me. The feeling I get around her is amazing and the inside jokes are consistent. But I cannot continue to keep doing this to her, me or our friends.

I will honestly say I am at a crossroads in my life right now. There is the easy path which consists of me doing nothing or if doing something it being minimal. And then there is the path that requires change, determination and hard work. But I know that if I want to keep her in my life whether it be in a relationship or in a friendship I must take that brutal second path. In all honesty, I have gotten lazy and out of shape and disgusting. I was the happiest when I was in shape and feeling great. That is something I need to do more of, is treating myself better. I need to work harder and not sit on my ass all day in front of the computer like I am now. I must work to keep our relationship as strong as it was the day I asked her to be my girlfriend. I must start now. There is no waiting till tomorrow or that new years resolution. There is only what you do every single day that determines what we want in life. I know what I want and I am going to make sure I take it. If you don’t want to be a part of it then get the fuck out of the way. Change is a coming and its coming now!

Goodnight and God bless,

Andrew Munson