angelsfancrc:

I have made my decision. I do not wish to continue to be a pledge for Sigma Nu. They did not wrong me in any way. Let that be known. It was all me and based on myself alone. The timing of this announcement is about as awkward as it gets because tonight was the initiation ceremony into being a pledge.I, however, made this decision early on Friday after weeks of fumbling around, mulling it.

This was obviously not an easy decision. It is a life-changing decision that could have both long-term and short-term implications. That being said, my heart was not into it. My heart was only into it 80% on good days. Something as big as this needs 100% heart all the time. I can’t give it my all. Frankly, when it comes to being a pledge for a fraternity, I’m just going to half-ass it (pardon my French).That is because this fraternity is not where my heart is. I also figured that if I was even wondering whether or not to leave, then I should leave something that requires 100% commitment. I can’t be flip-flopping the entire time wondering whether or not I should do it.

Also, I am not sure the fraternity lifestyle is one for me. I try to live by God. I am about as straightedge as you get. I am also a complete prude too. Pat Robertson once told me to chill out. (If you get that joke, congrats. If not, you need to learn more about your ultraconservative televangelists.) A lot of the lifestyle involves drinking and other promiscuous behaviors. I am the only person who doesn’t drink in this fraternity it seems like. They say I don’t have to drink, but I do not care to be constantly surrounded by such things.

I honestly don’t know why I decided to join a fraternity in the first place. I know all the stereotype and none of those stereotypes fit my values. I am not a partier at all. I couldn’t survive any single bit of hazing (which fortunately Sigma Nu does not have). When asked why I joined, I just come up with answers that I know are complete BS. I wanted to justify to myself why I decided to join. I didn’t believe it at all.

Perhaps I joined because I was feeling the Kanadian Koture Kids separating and was upset about it without even realizing I was upset. Perhaps I was trying to fill a void left by guys I grew up with (especially with Danny and Raemin, who I went to elementary school with). The Kanadian Koture Kids (I refuse to use the initials) was a tight-knit group of friends. Maybe I wanted to replace one essentially a fraternity with another actual fraternity.

But back to college. I hope that this divorce is not a messy one. I still want to be friends with Sigma Nu, even though I know that by leaving, I am closing the doors to Sigma Nu for now and the future. I have nothing but respect for the guys. But being a candidate was just not for me. I just never saw my self as an actual brother of Sigma Nu.

I must say, I am truly happy with this decision. After I told my dad my decision, and essentially sealed it in my mind, he says that I have been a much happier person since then. This is probably true. I feel as if a monkey has been lifted off my back. I liked hanging out with the guys, but I was not happy being a candidate. Also, making this decision, the weight of making this decision, which would have been on me the entire semester, is lifted.

Me being in a fraternity just wasn’t in the cards.

Altough I am completly happy to be a pledge of Phi Delta Theta. I must say that I am happy you decided to make this decision. It just shows that you have your mind in the right place. Try to find something else at CSUN to do.